Protect Your Mental Health, Peace, and Plate: The Art of the Thanksgiving Clap Back

Thanksgiving and all other social holidays are on the horizon. Many of us, I hope, have a community of support during this tough time. For others, this time comes with so much estrangement and loneliness. There are several reasons for this. One of those could be not dealing with habitual line steppers in the family structure. So, are you willing to end the no-contact for a turkey leg this holiday? If so, how do you contend with the family members who cross the line? Here are a few tips to help you keep your mental health at the forefront of all these holiday gatherings.

To gather or not this holiday season:

Count the cost. If you know you will leave in more pain than joy, then make alternative plans. For instance, consider hosting a Friends Thanksgiving. Friends are the family that you can choose. So many of us may be uneasy about making Thanksgiving an alternative, but it may be the best thing for you. There’s a difference in being asked a thousand-one times whether we will marry or have a child. Some family members like to stand in their defiance of respecting your peace. This is when considering if it is worth it or not that has to be the key to enjoying the holidays.

Auntie Please:

We all have that aunt or other family member who does the most. The trauma of making that one unhappy member happy is draining. Then you have that same family member who does more than rightfully argues over a game of Spades. They got out of their way to make you feel small. Many times, you are the one who leaves the table feeling full of more than turkey. So, this year if you can’t skip the festivities, speak up respectfully.

The time for devaluing yourself to spare your family members is old. Now I am not suggesting you let out rounds on your family members. However, simply asking them to move on or that it makes you uncomfortable. However, if you choose to deal with it know that it may not change them. Be comfortable speaking up to help you more than it is helping them.

Here is how you clap-back strategy:

One speaks up. Say it with your full chest. You don’t have to create a scene. Go in with calm and let your words deliver. Be sure not to allow your emotions to take over. When you can control the emotions, you can control the situation. Also, have a plan of action. For instance, when I am traveling to visit family, I have a code word that I share with my husband. That code word says that I have had my fill and it’s time to leave. Allow that code work to work and vice versa.

Embrace the family that you can have a good relationship with. This isn’t meant to be that all families have tough times with gatherings. But what we need to be clear is that we aren’t letting disrespect, past traumas, and more be swept under the rug. Lastly, if you aren’t in the space to manage or if your mental health is efficient with being away until you are ready tap into it. Enjoy your holiday time but do it at your pace. We have had enough go wrong in the world than to let a turkey leg take you out this holiday.